Thursday, August 11, 2011

The Funnies... (1 of 4)


Hey this is Aaron, we are in the homeward stretch. I am looking forward to catching up with our friends. We miss our Duvall and Woodinville communities enormously.

This post will be followed by three other short stories  (mostly not mentioned in previous blogs) that have made us laugh for the last three weeks.

I previously wrote a draft of these stories only to have it deleted by Google just prior to submission - which sent me into a rage spiral that required a cooling off period (about 4 days). Hopefully the second shot at it makes the telling better. I wrote this as we crossed from Atlanta to Carlsbad, NM - currently in Arnold, CA.  I have got a lot of drafts that I haven't sent out for fear of blogipation (a lot like constipation.)

For those keeping score on our well documented AC woes, we went through  7 mechanics between Grand Haven, MI and Jackson, MS, all who have earned the right to be named publically - they are sort of like members of your family that you know well but wish would NOT be able to make it to the next family reunion. In order of appearance: Mr Wiz & Cooter (Wis Dells), Floyd (Grand Haven, MI), Mike (Hardwick,VT), Tony (Bayonne, NJ),  Joe (Galax, VA), and Piak (Jackson, MS). As of this writing, my AC is still working so I would like to send a virtual hug to Piak in Jackson. He went the extra mile and had a heart of gold.

The below is one of 4 stories have been immensely important in our healing process as we have struggled to radiate God’s love to the auto industry. Given their unique significance to our “family healing” they deserve their own special story titles/post.

I should also add that I am having to edit myself quite a bit to bring you the following posts. For any of you that know me, my humor tends to run towards the dry and edgy side, so if you want the unedited version, ask me when I get back. It's all the more funny if you can get Karie's version including some of the parts she won't let me share publically (I came really close).


Anyhow, to set this post up, I will remind you that we spent 9 days in Vermont and Maine. We were near Stowe in Vermont, world famous for its skiing and Acadia national park in Maine, the most visited in the U.S. park system. Both states were absolutely beautiful, with very few bugs (VERY important to the Cato clan), lots of water, small/old towns, fantastic weather, and rolling hills to rugged/rocky alpine feel (think Winthrop-ish for the Washington folks). Vermont was admittedly a bit slower pace for us , with more time to lolly gag, whereas in Maine, we moved a bit faster in order to cover the park.


Funny #1  - Dotty…


Being around Vermont-ers is a bit like watching all the bar scenes from Goodwill Hunting... lots of crass downhome charm or Berkely-esk laid back. Every conversation I had was like it came from the boys at "car talk" except loaded with expletives or genuine interest. The countryside itself is rolling, full of rivers, lots of grass, hundred year old villages and farmhouses, and no real traffic or major centers of activity. We loved it.

As you know, we came into Vermont with no AC. We hoped to remedy that, but no luck. As the local mechanic in the town of Hardwick (pop 3000) said after having our car for a day, " I only work on AC in Vermont about once every 5 years. I dont have the paaahts for your caaahr.

I break the news to Karie, as the temperature in the shop reads 87. “Oh well, lets go get groceries” I say. So we head into the largest city in the area, Morrisiville  (pop 7000) not far from the campground we are staying at. We spend about 40 minutes doing our shopping and proceed to checkout. Our checkout line is right in front of the only entry/exit to the store. Looking up I overhear the store manager (age 30, librarian glasses, blond hair, blue button up tightly tucked/stuffed into some not so hip unfaded levi’s along with several layers of skin) yell “come on Dotty, get out of the way! I called your cab about 5 minutes ago. People are trying to get by”.

My eyes focus on the target of the managers concern.  Standing at about 5 foot 2, approx age of 80, is Dotty. Slightly behind and to her right, I drink in the details, noting she is sporting a handsome salt and pepper goatee, a full set of molars (nothing more), uncombed but short white hair, a full length flowered mu-mu (or smock/hospital robe – not clear on the differences), and the always fashionable white leather Reebok tennis shoe with two inch soles. “Come on Dotty, move out of the way”, I hear again. Shuffling forward, Dotty covers 6 inches in about 10 seconds, allowing her to close the gap that separates her from blocking most of the entrance so that she is now able to block it all. Customers trying to exit are stacked several deep but seem reluctant to address their obstacle directly.  Keeping her eyes on the prize, Dotty is fixed on her prey. Ignoring the pile up behind and without dropping her eyes, she stares off at something that lurks just 50 feet ahead of her in the waiting parking lot. Finally responding to the manager, she says “I have heard that before and I ain’t believing you anymore.” At this point the manager notices me taking the whole thing in with a big smile on my face (you couldn’t have written this small town script any better). “She does this at least three times a week. She takes the bus to the grocery store, starts pleading with the customers to take her home due to a wide range of maladies, and if unsuccessful in the store, she moves into the parking lot where she begins to cry (real tears in her eyes). On an Oscar performance day, she feigns a heart attack. Don’t pay any attention to her.” At the end of the explanation, I notice Dotty has left the building. Karie and I get to the car, load up the groceries and begin to drive out of the parking lot. And then, as if out of nowhere, she appears. Dotty is just standing in the middle of the parking lane, tears in her eyes, daring us to drive past. Hurry I say, I don’t think I will be able to resist her if she starts in with the heart attack.  We scoot around her, avoiding all eye contact.

We drove past the grocery store several other times that week. Same old Dotty, same old tears. We miss her already. We see Dotty’s sisters or Dotty’s future husband around every corner. “Oh Dotty” we sigh. Good times.

Aaron

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